escape

I want to lose myself  in everything and drown myself in nothing. I want to cry oceans of tears and go numb in the salt of them.I want to flow with the ebb and flow of the tides to merge with everything.....and become nothing but sea-foam....bubbles lost forever in an ocean of them........ be part of everything....not alone........but I myself.........to be nothing.......but absorbed into it all......to lose all that make me who and what I am.........just for a while....a moment.........not to stand out like a beacon ..... a moment that I am not sought out and clung to ......... like am unmovable strong pillar everyone can cling to.........please just a moment to be free a moment to be engulfed by everything...........a moment  to be weak and flowing like soo many rivers .................

This Blood red moon.....

Media  etc keep on mentioning the blood red moon .................what they do not tell you is how it affects peoples moods.So far  I have been ....happy to an extreme a few days ago and then kinda down and now.........a mood I do not think I have ever been in like this.........I feel blood thirsty.....my super nice collected controlled nature is being shaken to it's core. I fell like finding an evil cruel person ripping them a part in glorious sprays of red and dancing around in it and delighting in their torment. Never in my life have I felt this way....this mood sadistic and cruel.  Something dark is taking control , my control is slipping and I like it. Do not confuse darkness with evil though they are far from the same.I want to loose myself for a while in this dark mood.............bottoms up

one step fwd and 2 steps back

Why is is when things seem to be getting better and we are improving our lives bad things come along and give us a hard fling backwards?If seems so many of us try so hard to better ourselves internally , externally ....mentally , emotionally , physically............we try but life is neither fair or unfair it just is what it is and often all our hard word  all falls to ruin . The strongest of us do not giveup....and those who think they are strong learn that they are not half as strong as they had thought and those who thought we were weak.......or worthless....find ourselves and discover how amazing we truly are.
    No matter how hopeless life seems and how much you want to give up .........look around you and look inside yourself....you might discover things you never have before. You may discover amazing .and surprising thing and the world around you as well as in yourself. So open your eyes wide my friends as well as your hearts and minds.Often we blind ourselves because the truth seems scary but every coin has two sides while there is darkness there is light and both helps us become what we are meant to be.

I am awake and drinking alone..........killing time........
Sometimes I feel so old I feel I may die tomorrow of old age.......sometimes I feel so young I see the world with so much wonder as if for the lst time. sometimes i feel so cold it is like I am made of ice and often I feel so hot I am swirling flames. I can feel sooo bright I am neon rainbows brighter than the sun.........and then sooo dark I am the complete and utter lack of all light. Some days time moves sooo fast I was born yesterday and often it moves so slow I feel I am immortal. I can be deeper than the ocean deepest chasm and shallow as a muddle puddle on a sidewalk. Sweeter than honey and as bitter as grapefruit rinds. I am everything and I am nothing! A great contradictory paradox ..........all these thing I am.........I embody them all.................I am an endless flowing ......being moving in and out of the realms of all that exists ..........

Cold as snow.....

It is very late here and I feel cold as the snow that covers the ground. The world is washed in white sparking beauty.........can the coldness be beautiful to? A cold that numbs you inside and out....and protects you from feeling the hurt or pain....but cold is a sort of pain in itself. If the cold is too much for a fragile body to handle it blackens and  bites...............and eats at you until you can never feel anything again.Sometimes I love drowning in the coldness and darkness safe from the world and even myself.....am I safe there? Then on rare occasions I wish and wonder quite fearfully .........what golden sun would feel like upon my face.......would it;s light burn me....or warm me? Would the sun show me smiling or crying as it chases the cold darkness away. Not all things that are white are bright you know....many things that are white and glittering are the coldest darkest places you could stand to be any part of....................

The poem written to me!

This is a poem my husband surprised me with.It is the most beautiful poem I have evr read.He really took my breath away.This is his copyrighted work so if you want to use it please ask and give credit where it is do.I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband in the whole world.

My Goddess by Alex Benson
My Goddess

Please forgive me for my sins

Atone me with your love

Bask me in your goodness

Bring me back to life with your sweet soft kiss

Set me on fire and cleans my soul with your touch

Your lovely voice rings out like a sermon that fills my ears of wisdom, truth, and Joy. Electrifying my senses

Your aroma permeates my nose like some sacrificial incense of sacrificial sensuality

On my knees I pray for you to find me worthy of laying in your garden, let me drink your nectar, the baptize me in your most sacred place I need your communion

In your arms I find my tenderhearted confidant, my closest friend, I find my religion

I look into your lovely face and become lost in your beautiful hazel eyes as I caress your lovely face while we share communion.

As our lips find each other, I find heavenly bliss in your sweet soft lips,igniting my heart full of unbridled passion

The angels will cry, and their cries will be music to our ears as we make love in their river of tears

I have built you a house in my heart, and I will sing you hymns of love, redemption, how you are my light in darkness, my hopes and my dreams.

Our commandments will be

To love each other unconditionally above all

Honor each other like no other

Treasure each other like nothing else could compare to what we have

Your are my heaven, my soul mate, I will love, honor, worship, adore, pleasure you as your loving devoted servant forever my beautiful Goddess.

Adults only (18 + only)

A It is a hot summer afternoon.I shed my sweat soaked clothes and leave them in a small pile on the floor.I lay across the bed  my head resting on my arms......my feet dangling off the side.The heat and the quiet house soon put me to sleep.You slip away from work complaining you are ill.You slip into our room and see me sleeping, laying naked across the bed .You stand at the side of the bed and grab my ankles and you gently pull me closer.You kiss the small of my back and along my hips.You  quietly  unzip your pants and let them slide to the floor .I am in a deep sleep , peacefully dreaming , as you slide you hands  under my thighs  so gently.....quietly .....lifting me up and pulling me closer.You still have on you boxers.....you peek out getting excited seeing my naked body....and  touching my soft skin.You kiss my ass and you  rub you hard shaft against my pussy lips.Even in my deepest sleep I murmur softly as I get wetter and  wetter. You slowly push your way past my wet lips ..........you push deep inside me....I open my eyes and turn my head and give you a  heated look and you tighten your grip on my thighs. You moan and you thrust a second third forth time......I start to breathe heavily and.I want more..............You get rougher..faster....deeper......pushing into my warm wet body.We are like animals............I am at your mercy........the way you hold me I can do nothing to further my pleasure except just let you thrust in and out of me.........I dig my nails into the bed and cry out as you send my head spinning .......You feel sooo good...............oooh.............so good.....fuck me............i'm yours............Just when I think you can't push yourself anymore......you  let out this animalistic sound and you lose all control and you take me how you want me........so hard and deep I am  clinging to the bed  for dear life...clawing at it...............making all sorts of sounds and  I feel it........so close............you keep a hard fast steady pace and ......yes......................my body spasms and .I clinch  around your cock deep inside me and  I cum so hard I soak us both and the bed.........you moan..I feel you throbbing.........you gasp.......your eyes roll back into your head and I feel you cum you  hold my thighs so that  when you cum you are as deep inside me as you can get. a few wild thrusts and you pull out and collapse beside me on the bed.....we share a soft sweet kiss.............then we take a nap together on the bed until it is time for round 2.

(I will edit this more later)